Monday, April 28, 2008
I'm dead tired.
No idea why but i just feel lethargic. think it's due to mens and lack of exercise lately.
i don't seemed to be into school. and i know this year's important, i just can't make myself accept the fact.
New classmates seemed fun. but i do not really know if they're gonna be good people to work with. first day of lessons, and i'm asked to form project groups with unfamiliar faces. knowing that i'm like the only 2 of the people from the LECTUREGROUP1, i felt so lost.
reluctant to enter the class. but i really hope it'll be nice and fun.
i miss my classmates. i know, making new friends's part of life and it's good. but still, it's not going to be the same as when we're in year1.
so innocent, so fun. i felt like i've just graduated from sec4. that feeling just sucked.
and thanks to me, always being the late bloomer, i failed my BTT. E TRIAL.
i felt like such a loser. I know, i shouldn't give up.
seriously, lately, i really do STOP&STARE. i don't know what i'm doing, why i'm doing the things i'm doing. I felt like life's so weak and i gave up on myself.
and i hate myself sometimes . making the wrong decisions all the time, IF ONLY I KNOW HOW TO THINK AND STAND UP FOR MYSELF sometimes, life would be so much easier.
but i do not know WHY. seriously.
and i hope that 06 meeting will be once a week because friends are seriously my pillar of life.
i find home not so very homely like before.
last time, i used to have my dad and mum waiting for me after school. fetching me to my favourite food places in bedok north, buying so much food home for my brothers. and during weekends, it's either eastcoastpark hang out with the other cousins of mine or hang out at my grand's.
looking back at my childhood, it can never be like before. and i do wonder why? is it really karma? 1 after another, my relative family tree starts to shrink. and really SHRINKED a lot. i do not have any more uncles except for my godpa.
i really do wonder WHY oh why does my dad has to leave the family. sometimes i do wonder if i can ever have a nice warm family of my own when i grow up. do i really have that power to do so? do i even deserve such things?
feeling all emotional lately, i am thinking too much.
and do i even have the right to live? nothing's free in this world. we gotta use our hardwork to get what we want. i need to have the determination because i think i'm loosing my sense of focus in life.
and i think i'm loosing it fast because i can't seem to take my life seriously lately.
I need to get my life back on track, will someone help me?
But you put on quite a show
You really had me going
But now it’s time to go
Curtain’s finally closing
That was quite a show
Very entertaining
But it’s over now (But it’s over now)
Go on and take a bow
- Rihanna's TAKE A BOW
till then,
~jo
Labels: It's standing ovation
8:15 PM
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