Tuesday, October 12, 2004
i now realized that being hardworking and being lazy can really make a big difference...I don't know why...Today,i've cried in school...This is my 2nd time crying...At the same class,sort of the same spot...Why i cried?Because of my exams...I know,we should not cry over spilled milk...But everytime i see my marks,i'll have the image of my mum working real with houseworks at home...That image,make me feel REAL Sad...I've disappointed my mum in a sense of exams,but myself too...My mum's the solebread winner of the house...I must not make her effort of growing me to go down into the drain...It's so hurtful for her...Sometimes,i do hate her...For nagging...But when she started to sound sad,i realized that i've made a mistake again...
Being the small kid in my family,my mum says,she can feel how bad it is for me to loose a father...Well,it doesn't really matter to me...Coz' i can feel that he did not do his job as a father well,and most importantly,he hurt my mum's feelings and hard-earned money...At times,i do feel i'm not as fortunate as others...But at times,i felt REAL contented when i see my friends smiled because i made them smiled...
So all these doings,i should have worked hard...I should have been a good and hardworking gal since young,making my basic foundations well...so i can get into better schools when i'm older,and when i worked in the society,it's an advantage to me...All these doings are my fault...TOTALLY my fault...i really should have worked hard...Maybe for me,when i'm young,i'm not immatured enough...Which made me fall back from my friends...
My mum just nagged at me,she said ''all last minute,what do you expect with that kind of attitude''...I'd just realized...It's TOTALLY 100% my fault...I've let myself down....
5:54 AM
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